It’s been quite a while since my last entry. I think it’s turned into a situation that i’ve kinda chilled out about everything and started to actually believe that this boy likes me as much as I like him. When I mentioned this to him he seemed to be utterly flabbergasted that I would even question such a thing. That, in itself, surprises me on the basis that if i did truly believe that before now then I would have to be the epitome of arrogant! I’ll admit to being slightly self-obsessed on the basis of improvement but never because I think I’m the greatest thing ever! He likes to play the arrogance card but we’ll see how real that actually is soon enough.
The reason the crunch is so near now is that my very own banana was on a flight home overnight and, if he has not already landed, will do so soon enough. This is supremely exciting but hugely petrifying at the same time. Whatever way I look at it, this time he has had away would have been excruciating but if we had actually had the chance to have been in each other’s company before he had to go then the pressure would never have built to the size it has now! Expectation is something that I choose to try and avoid at all costs but has become completely inevitable now! This scares me!
I had a pretty serious word with myself while I was driving for work chores and decided that the only thing I should let myself feel is excitement. Any nervousness is futile as it can only lead to awkwardness and one of us has to at least be able to control some kind of conversation before staring at our feet is the only option. Given, actually controlling these things is actually impossible and shouldn’t even kid myself into thinking that it’s feasible but it made me feel better at the time!
It’s funny, this is one of these situations that you know you’re standing at some kind of junction and whatever way things go will be a huge deal but no matter how much of a huge thing it is, i’m still going to go and find out where this path is going to take me. This boy is worth the risk and has turned it into an instinct, not a risk any more. Just to finally look him in the eyes and show him just how real things are will change everything and I only think could be a good thing.
The big questions are there though: where do we meet? Would we be expected to do the date thing? How long do I have to wait before I can kiss the face off him without looking like a desperate weirdo?
Then there’s the little, inevitable questions: what do i wear? What kind of make up will I go for? which of my ridiculous number of perfumes will I choose to go with? Do i think he likes a specific kind of smell or just go for one that i think suits me best and just hope that because it’s the most me that he likes it?
Of course, this all makes me think i’m some kind of weirdo freak but just have to remind myself that these are the questions that girls ask themselves every day. I just don’t normally think that much like a girl, obviously.
Anyway, I asked him to text me when he lands safely and was told that wasn’t too demanding so we’ll see. I’m happy to feel like a teenage girl, waiting for the phone to ring so that she can hear that her boy likes her. With any luck, the next time I blog I’ll have spent some time with this amazing boy and have nothing to say but waffle on about warm and fuzzy feelings. Either that or it’ll be a really interesting story about a disaster date! I think i’ll plump for the former!