My own little ray of sunshine

I am lucky to have so many special people in my life.  People come and go in your life but I’ve been lucky enough to have stumbled upon more keepers than most.  My husband is often telling me that I seem to collect people.  I have a new experience and collect a new friend, regardless of what I’m doing.  My sister would always say that she and I could go out on the same night out, she’d go home with someone to fuck her and i’d go home with a friend for life.  I’ve never understood why this is the case, it just seems to be fairly accurate.  Like a lot of the boys that have been in my life where i can have really close connections with them, who then disappear, these connections can be picked up at any time in the future.  If i’m close with someone once then I’ll always be able to be close with them in the future because they own a little piece of my soul.

A few months ago I started to speak to the sweetest boy ever.  He’s in my phone as Leven and therefore seems the most fitting name for him to have on here.  Every now and then, mixed in with the jumble of messages that you get on social networking sites, someone will stand out to you for a reason that you just can’t put your finger on.  Leven was one of those people.  His messages had thought and content, were well written and showed an obvious level of intelligence.  I think intelligence is the biggest thing for me to connect with someone as it seems to be such a rare thing these days.  This wasn’t someone who was messaging me with any ulterior motive or with any specific intention, just to find out about me and talk to someone who’s not in his everyday world.  Probably the most innocent messages that have ever been passed between me and someone else on there.  Quickly enough we were enjoying such regular contact that swapping mobile numbers became the logical next step.

Once someone is in your mobile phone, it somehow changes the dynamics of the communication that you have.  Everything becomes all the more immediate, which means that they are on the periphery of your everyday real life.  You are now almost carrying this person in your pocket to speak with when you have a second.  This is a very different mind set from making the decision to log on to a site to check your messages and then respond.

I happened to have a work night out not long after we had swapped numbers and that was yet another dynamics changer.  Drinking with a mobile phone in your power is never a good idea!  I think it would be more sensible for everyone to just have to lock their phones away the second they let alcohol pass their lips.  Given, it would make the scope for cringey apologetic conversations afterwards all the smaller but would also reduce the amount of amusement you give someone by drunk dialing them or the good old drunken text.  I am blunt and honest without a drink in me, with one I just become a person who seems to have no edit button whatsoever!  It takes a certain type of person to be able to roll with those punches and thankfully Leven is one of them.

So, there I was, ploughing into the alcohol without a care in the world.  We had been texting almost constantly up to that point so it just seemed logical to proceed to be texting while the alcohol was flowing.  I got tipsy ridiculously quickly based on the little food I had eaten that day and remember it not taking long before the conversation of it being an unwise move for me to go for drinks with him on the basis that  I’d probably try to mount him!  I mean, really??  Who actually says that to someone that they have only been speaking to for a few weeks in a completely innocent capacity?  Me, that would be who!  Facepalm, right there!  Bless the boy, he rolled with the punches, laughed at my bluntness and took it all in the manner that it was intended.  Thankfully I sobered up relatively soon after that and didn’t make any more of a fool of myself but it sort of set the tone for the way things would be open to go in the future.

Surprisingly, even after that ridiculousness, our conversations remained on the level, innocent and warm.  We had built up a rapport that was effortless and one that we both actively looked forward to getting little top ups of.  What I haven’t mentioned is the reason for the innocence.  We are both attached, neither of us want to change our everyday life, would never want to jeopardise anything in that manner and so felt able to openly express ourselves as we both understood the limitations/boundaries.  For this reason, any of the texting that was sent from him was on a separate phone from his ‘real’ one.  Not something I could ever do, far too confusing in my world, but something that he felt safer and easier to control.  This was until he panicked about leaving a receipt around from his last top up and vowed to leave his extra phone at work.

Going without out any contact whatsoever over a weekend was just far too long so we ended up resorting to e-mailing when texting was just too risky.  You can see by this point we had got into a routine of daily contact and that involves a level of importance in each other’s worlds.  It was comforting and a little ray of sunshine no matter what the day was throwing at us.  We decided that enjoying each other’s contact as much as we do that the logical thing next was to meet up and see if we’re just as connected face to face.  Coffee was suggested but just didn’t feel like it would be long enough so I suggested lunch.

Meeting someone for the first time is ridiculously nerve wracking, no matter how much you’ve shared with them.  They can know the most intimate details about you, know exactly how much you like them but that fear of the unknown is always still there!  Being in public is both safe and dangerous at the same time, especially during an innocent lunch!  So many things can be misconstrued, especially by people who think they know you better than they actually do.  I was only really nervous about being a disappointment in some way or other (not having enough to talk about, just not connecting, anything feeling too awkward) but his nerves were that plus the fear of being seen.  We sparked, yes it was slightly awkward because of finding boundaries and our own insecurities, but overall it was just a lovely time.  There were a lot of smiles, a few laughs, a little bit of very subtle flirting and more talking than i thought possible in such a short time.  Something that needed to be repeated sometime soon.

On the walk home afterwards I texted one of my closest friends and also Leven.  My friend enjoyed that my afternoon had been good and liked that I was smiling as much as I was.  I always smile, it was just nice to have a contented smile instead of my usual one.  Over the next few days/weeks we talked about our meeting and established that we just didn’t have enough time together.  We need more time to talk, have a few more cuddles than the hello and goodbye ones that we managed  and be a little bit more tactile.  We are both tactile people and to not know what was appropriate or not last time was one of the more awkward parts.  He was swept away on business so has delayed our chance to spend time together.  Even from thousands of miles away we still kept up or daily contact.  I think I can count on one hand the number of days that we’ve not communicated in one way or another about anything and everything. I like that.

Our messages have taken a different direction since we had lunch, it’s opened up the floodgates for complete honesty about our lives, our past and the way we actually think or feel about each other.  There is an attraction there, for both of us, and something that is intriguing.  We can openly talk about sex, preferences, curiosities and experiences without them being interpreted as anything smutty or inappropriate.  This is rare, i’ve found.  Being able to express wanting to touch or kiss someone without it being a doorway to the expected is something that i enjoy greatly.  We can let each other know that we would happily explore that side of us together but still know that it’s not something that’s definitely ever going to be able to happen, for a multitude of reasons.  There are the logistics, the possible guilt, the worry but it’s nice to know that the want is definitely there.

We want to meet up soon, it’s just the patient wait for the appropriate time to come through right now.   I think the romance will be inevitable.  We both enjoy simple things like just walking or sitting in someone’s company taking in the surroundings.  Being able to be physically close and touch when it feels right.  Again a very innocent situation.  It’s the nice side of innocence and one that can only ever occur from complete openness and honesty.  I think that’s key to everything really and the thing that we do so well.  I’m sure there will be plenty of references to Leven in the future, I just wanted him to have his very own introduction.

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