Everybody changes

We’re all guilty of waking up one day and realising that the thing you have done every day, no longer seems the right thing to do.  It can be anything: something minuscule, something gigantor, something physical, something emotional or something mental.  Either way, it just suddenly feels wrong.  We all know that we change but it’s impossible to realise until the day that we wake up and feel different.  Take kids, they have a birthday and expect to wake up like a completely different person; like a grown up.  Nobody ever wakes up on their birthday and thinks “right, I’m ……. now, I know exactly what that is meant to feel like and I do”.  In reality, you wake up and feel exactly the same as you did the day before – subject to environmental or circumstantial changes!

I tend to be very dedicated to my friends, they are an important part of my life, but have found myself randomly evaluating people in my life and just losing motivation in putting the effort in any more.  Given, this would only ever occur if I suddenly realised that I was either putting more in than they were or everything about our relationship was shallow and meaningless.  Then there’s the occasions where you all of a sudden start to pick up on things about someone that really start to bother you.  Character traits that you never really noticed before start to become utterly shocking to you.  I have one of those friends at the moment.

When I started talking to ‘hipster’, we seemed to have a ridiculous number of things in common.  Our lives had kind of intertwined in a few different ways through the time that we were growing up but had never been aware of each other’s existence.  We were into the same kind of music and shared that it was a huge part of who we were during our formative years.   We bonded very quickly when we started talking but there were little warning signs quite early on.  I’m quite an obsessive person, by nature, but he made me look like I was positively unfazed by anything.  He became worryingly attached to me, obsessively attached.  I’m very open about my world, tell everyone the main details and only leave bits of information out when they are likely to hurt people by finding them out or leave me a little bit too exposed.  This openness can be misconstrued with me letting them into my soul.  Where I may give the  impression of being entirely open, there are still huge parts of me that I keep very closely guarded.  I don’t think I realised that until I truly let my guard down with Best friend 3.

Hipster was talking about wishing our lives had intertwined more closely and having known me since I was a teenager so that he could marry me then and have as many children as our bodies would have let us.  I will admit that, at the beginning, I was maybe carried away with the romance of it all and the sheer dedication that was being shown to me but, all of a sudden, I woke up one day and realised that it was just a little bit too creepy.  He knows that I’m married, has always known that I’m married and seems to entirely respect that.  He just doesn’t seem to understand that my being married kinda makes it impossible for any romantic relationship to exist with him.

The thing about Facebook is that it gives you a greater insight into who people really are.  The things that they choose to post on public forums is very telling about who they are underneath it all.  It started with an ironic instagram game, which grew to him choosing to follow me on twitter to him then creating a Facebook account (he didn’t have any of these things before) so that he could ‘share all of those parts of my life’.  He would find reasons and excuses to talk to me incessantly and even included my husband into the conversations.  I had to make up some kind of back story as to how I know him but I never actually lied, as such, just extended the length of time.  Things became more and more demanding until, during a particularly difficult time recently, i just didn’t have the energy to dedicate to him.  He would continually ask me how I was and asked so many probing questions that it was just a constant reminder of the issues that I was going through.

All of a sudden things seem to come to a head, in my mind, and I just had get my space.  I decided that I would very politely ask for a little bit of space.  This didn’t seem to work.  There were still the continual questions, the “have I done something wrong?” statements and the inability to understand that sometimes I just need my space.  I had very valid and justified reasons that I had to ask for my space but he just didn’t seem to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around him and what he needs.  One final warning was given about me requiring my space and that I was going to no longer be making contact until my life had sorted itself out again.  Is this too much to ask for?  Should I be expected to continually feed into someone’s desperate need for attention?  I wouldn’t do it with the children at work so why should I be expected to do that with anyone else in my life?  The thing that makes it so much worse is the fact that he has a girlfriend!  Ironically, his girlfriend grabs as much attention as physically possible.  She gets him to call her every 15-30 minutes when she’s at home and then goes mental at him if he gets caught up in something else.  You’d think someone who already has that level of clingon would realise how inappropriate it is!

Anyway, time has marched on and I’ve managed to get out of continually talking to him.  There will be the occasional thing that will come up on Facebook where he’ll try to make conversation but ignoring it enough seems to work.  Maybe I’m a bitch, maybe I’m being unreasonable or maybe I’m just being sensible but that level of demand was just unmanageable.  The problem is, the more time that I spend avoiding any kind of conversation with him, I find that his sense of humour pushes strange alarm bells in my mind.

I’m all for finding humour in the people around me and especially in myself but I don’t think I would ever feel the need to surreptitiously take photos of people to openly mock them.  I would hate to think that would ever happen with me or my loved ones so for someone to see that as perfectly acceptable, kind of bothers me.  He made friends with someone who happens to have the same name as him, on Facebook, after he chose to openly racially stereotype him in comments made from a screen shot he took.  Why would anyone do that?  Not only that but to then openly mock him without immediately making it obvious to the poor guy.  Am I just being too negative?  Am I looking for problems because I smelled a hint of psycho?

The people that I have normally ended up slowly removing from my life tend to be because it’s a one-sided friendship or they are being entirely shallow, but to do it with someone who may not be as tightly hinged as he should be slightly concerns me.  I wouldn’t want to create an argument or obviously remove him from my life but a slow phase out seems to be working a bit.

All of this just makes me wonder if there have been times where people have felt the need to slowly phase me out of their lives and what the reasons would be.  It’s one of those indicators as to whether you can improve yourself and if I can find something that would help me be a better person then I’m always happy to hear it.  Maybe this is just the male type of bunny boiler that I noticed in the right amount of time!


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