Recently on Big Brother there has been an housemate who labels herself as “Polyamorous”. I have absolutely no issues with someone labelling themselves as Polyamorous, as long as they fully understand what they are labelling themselves as. The fact that she refers to it as “polyamorousy” rather than polyamory shows just how ignorant she is on the topic.
There are so many fashionable terms for gender/sexuality/lifestyle that it is now a minefield to actually fit yourself into the correct box. I, personally, see no need in boxing yourself into any kind of label so why is it so important to individuals these days to make sure that they do? Society have always felt it necessary to categorise beings as they saw fit, purely as an act of permission in judging everyone around them, but now it has spread to individuals feeling the need to make sure that the box society have deemed appropriate to label them is actually fitting to who they feel they are.
I was always informed that the correct term for my sexuality was bisexual, as I am attracted to both males and females equally. Recently a more rounded term for my ability to love and feel attraction would class me as pansexual as I am capable of loving or finding attraction in anyone, regardless of gender, orientation or ability to fit into one specific label. I agree that I have historically found connections with males a lot quicker and easier than females but gender is overall irrelevant to me where love is concerned. Also historically I have personally struggled with the fact that connections are made far too easily with people that turn to love. Although this defines me as polyamorous, it makes me very uncomfortable to lable myself as such because of all of the people who use it as a level of acceptability to disrespect their partners for selfish end. So many people who use the term don’t understand that there is no search for others, no unhappiness with the person you are with, no intent to create romantic connections and that they are just situations that you find yourself unable to stop once they begin. I absolutely love my husband, I absolutely cherish my husband, the time that I spend with him is the most comfortable I have but with such a level of openness and honesty of my emotions/feelings that I have, it is something that is unfathomable to most how able I am to truly love others with the same level of intensity without it affecting the feelings I have for my husband.
There seems to be a current trend of everyone feeling the need to come out and proclaim themselves to the world as something different from what has been believed or portrayed before. Why does everything need to be so public? Why is it anyone’s business? My father (my only remaining parent) has no idea about my sexuality and, just like he has no need to know about any other private parts of my life, I don’t see any reason why he would have to. Fair enough if I had found myself with a female life partner who I wanted to marry that it would then be relevant to discuss my sexuality, other than that I don’t actually see it as relevant to anything. I absolutely agree with gay pride and all that is connected to that, as do I absolutely expect equality for everyone, but have we not progressed to a time where people can just be people without the need to compartmentalise themselves into neat and convenient pigeonholes?
People have a need for acceptance, I understand that, but that in itself is just an extension of narcissism. I rarely choose to express myself, outside of the safety of this blog, and tend to use social networking for sharing cute or funny things that remind me of the people in my life. I find it fascinating just how much of a right people feel they have to share their negativity with everyone on their friends list. It is so rare that you find a positive post that it is hugely indicative of the way society feels in general; that is sad in itself. From the gossipy neighbour downstairs (who makes it her god given right to know the business of everyone around her, whether that knowledge is accurate or not), through the person who thinks it is there place on earth to “educate” the masses in their (usually bigoted) belief system, to the person who doesn’t realise just how poisonous their opinion is of someone based purely on a single image or video, it makes me sad how entitled all of these people feel they are.
Just because you don’t relate to the gender you have been born in, you don’t feel like you conform to who others expect you to be or feel like fate has dealt you a bum hand, it doesn’t mean that any of that actually matters. You are you, I am me and they are them; nothing more, nothing less. I can look at the prettiest dress in the shop and love the look of the dress but because of my fairly masculine frame would never quite look right in it. There is nothing I can do to make myself look right in it, it’s not due to what society thinks of me or the judgement of anyone else, it’s just the fact that it will never quite be right. This is not an injustice to my life, I will still express myself fully, I will always just choose to wear things that I think flatter my shape. Everyone wants to look and feel their best; if you try too hard then that will draw attention to you for all of the wrong reasons. I feel this is the biggest hindrance that faces all of these people who wish to change society’s image of themselves. They just try too hard and feel the need to live up to a stereotype, rather than just being who they are. If you don’t connect with the fashions of your gender and prefer the fashions of another then that is fine, just choose wisely. Just because you like the look of something, doesn’t mean that thing is going to look the best on you. If your close friends truly love you then they will always be honest with you, even if it’s likely to sting a little.
I make no excuses for who I am and neither should anyone else. If you do, however, feel the need to make excuses for yourself then you need to question how positive you really are.