This entry has sat in my draft folder for quite some time. It was a subject that I found quite difficult to write about as it made me quite emotional while I was writing it. The subject matter is something that I would like documented to look back on in the future but also something that I feel the need to get out there. Treating anyone unjustly or immorally is something that should be spoken about when it happens because so many people shy away from publicising it when it happens.
As I sit at my desk at work, feeling sick and wishing I was anywhere but here I am finding it more and more difficult to find the motivation to remain here. I have been the target of a small man, emasculated by his wife, dismissed by his children and seeking any way possible to pass his poison on to anyone else available. The money has been thrown at the lawyers, the loop holes and grey areas have been found and it is their intention to harass me to the point of resigning in as efficient a way as possible. The morality of their decision is unjustifiable and for standing up for my rights I am left in the unfortunate position of having to be a scape goat.
I would expect this kind of behaviour in big business but this is a charitable organisation, caring for hundreds of children on a daily basis. The thing that makes it even worse is the fact that the person doing the victimisation is one of the parents expecting us to care for his children. I am aware that the fact that his child openly adores me and my husband grates on him to the very core of his soul, but is unbelievable to me why anyone would want their child to be in a care environment that they weren’t close to their carers. To have reduced morale, so easily, to ground level is impressive in one fell swoop. The greatest way of doing that is by purely targeting the long serving members of staff who have shown their dedication and ability by being with the organisation for so many years.
So, the decision is made, my resignation will go in the day before the next meeting was scheduled for me to be bombarded by my next tirade of humiliation. I was originally going to tread water until mid september, so that I would be finishing work at the christmas holidays, as my intention was to not disrupt the children too much. There is no way that 3 weeks worth of pay is worth that level of personal attack, however. It is not my decision that I am to no longer have my place in this club so it is not my responsibility to worry about any disruption involved. I have put up a good fight for the last 9 months, and have gone out kicking and screaming, but there is no way that I could ever feel justified in teaching the children our anti-bullying policy when the board feel perfectly justified in breaching every part of it towards the staff.
In a stamp of killing them with kindness, I am going to post a letter (hand addressed to ensure reading) to every parent informing them of the upcoming change. Of course in the truly sweet manner of thanking them for letting me get to know their child(ren) and to have watched them grow and flourish in the years that I have had the gift of their company, while outlining the reasons in which I have been backed into the corner of having no option but to resign. Hopefully it will be enough for the parents to ask questions but not enough for me to look like I am throwing mud. Their reasons are unjustifiable, especially since they have thrown so many thousands of pounds fighting the issue so it’ll be interesting to see if any of the parents will actually feel like the outcome was justifiable.
So the time has come and gone, my resignation is in, it has been accepted and the letters to the parents have just been posted. I have had no feedback from that as they won’t have received them yet. I’m not expecting any amount of feedback but will be interesting to see if I actually get any. The cloud has lifted since I no longer have to worry about things hanging over my head but I’m sure, once the gravity of my life changing so hugely hits me, I will enter a slump again.
I have been asked to work until the end of the year, for stability and extra time for me to get everything organised before I go, so at least money isn’t going to be a worry for an extra month. There is a family agreement in place that January is to be a time of calm relaxation where I get on top of things in the house without having to worry about looking for work. A chance to clear my mind and deal with any sadness before moving onto the next chapter of my life. I will see friends as much as possible, be me for an entire month and just get back to ground level before I start looking for work. I am incredibly lucky that I am able to have this time but is something that I feel will be desperately needed.
In the usual manner of the money fairy turning up when I am worrying the most, my husband has been given a new job. He will be on better hours, a substantial promotion and a much better rota so i will be able to plan my life a little easier since we’ll know what he’ll be working far in advance. At the moment, we only are able to work on a couple of days’ notice of shift pattern so to be able to know what to expect is amazing. Things that people take for granted are the things that I will be cherishing the most!
For the next 16 weeks of my life, I will be making the most of the things and people I adore more than I’ve ever truly realised but know that my time has come to move on to the next stage. I still have no idea what that will be but will be interesting to see what I gravitate towards. Flying by the seat of my pants has never been so scary yet so liberating at the same time. I will be interested to hear how things go when I am gone but will try my hardest not to dwell on what i’ve lost. Time to look to the future, the next stage of my life is a mystery right now but I’m sure i’ll land on my feet somehow.